Alone

I made a choice and made my decision already,
from now on its just going to be me,
yes it hurts me so much to move on
and forget about them,
it was one big tree!
it was where the seed grew up,
i had so much trust in them,
but in the end,
i was betrayed and used!
i have been living a life full of
BETRAYAL, CHEAT, LIE, TAKEN FOR GRANTED, AND USED
will that all stop,
will someone stop
betraying me?
cheating me?
lying to me?
take me for granted?
and use me?
will that all stop..
i am starting to lose trust with people!
what did i do to deserve all this in my life!
all this agony!!
i can't take it anymore..
can i just be under your arms,
i feel so much safer there..
i thought i could that place where i grew up as, HOME!
but i was wrong,
i figured out i don't have a place where i could call HOME!
sometimes i wish i was not created
WHAT DID I DO?
i have lost everything!
i guess i will be walking this road ALONE!

New Leaf

Finally, I am back in Subang Jaya now after going through some hell time in my so called "home". Life was pretty unpleasant there!

The shouting and yelling and nagging!

Home sweet home? I dont think so!

And i even found out that people whom i call family are backstabbing!

What did i do to deserve all this in my life!

I seriously wish there was an answer to that

why do people take advantage of me being nice towards them!

why,god dammit!!!!

I thank you for being there for me all this time.

I really needed a shoulder that i could rest me head on, and you were there!

I have left everything behind for you!

I am taking this road with you now.

its your hand which i am about to hold for my entire life

its you whom i want to spent my life with!

please make me feel that i made the right decision and this is all worth it!

Dont take me or my love for granted and betray me like the others!

dont take advantage of me being nice, no more games and no more playing around!

get serious with this!

I cant take another betrayal, another cheat or another fooling around!

I love you with all my heart!

Story Of My Life

Something is going wrong somewhere this few days. i really wish that i had the solution to that problem of mine. all i am looking in this world is peace and love in this world. i dont think that is too much to ask from a normal human like me. it is normal to find love and peace because thats what i treasure the most after what had happened to me when i was 4 years old. I know i have to be strong in this world and face whatever problems that come across. thats what my dad told me once upon a time. what have i done wrong that i deserve all this which is happening right now. we, the home sapiens in this world look for happiness and love and peace. well thats what i look for. i have been looking for all that since the age of 4. went through a lot hard times, a lot of discrimination, people looking down on me saying about myself and not trusting what good deeds i do. i lost my cousin brother who i love so much in my family because according to his mom, i am a bad person, when i am not at all..all i wanted is that a little brother who i could care for and love. is that wrong? i dont think so...i never ever tought him any bad habits tought him anything that would make him bad..he loves spending time with me because according to him i am the big brother who would be always there for him whenever he needs me. but now i have lost him..why cant his mother trust me more and think that i am actually a good big brother to him. we used to talk about having big houses next to each other, going for cruise in each other's sweet car, we talked about getting married and having dinner together with our wives, we shared the same plate at times when we were living together. he has been always looking up to me and talks to me when needs somebody. but now, i rarely get a call from him..sigh..what have i done that i always have to fall down so hard on the ground. have i been bad to people and treated them badly, have i committed any crimes and killed people? have i hurt people's feelings..i dont think so because i never ever hurt anyone's feelings. because i wanted the best for them. sometimes being at home isn't the right place to be, because of all the problems that encounter in and all the things which would hurts us. sometimes i dont blame those who actually leave thier omes and never come back. always think about what made them leave..what drove them there? its the peace actually and also the love! ..i never really got that from this roof of mine. well i have been really strong and pulled my way through all this while..and i am trying my best to be strong! but i am starting to feel that i am getting weaker and weaker by days..this kind of things drove me to find another place where i can call as home. being with somebody who loves me back and appreciates me, takes care of my feelings, be there whenever i needed them. i have been always treasuring all this..at some points i have i asked myself, will i EVER get all this in my life..will i ever be happy ever again? will someone love me back, will someone take care of my feelings, will someone be there with their hands wide open sincerely and waiting to see me and come running towards with joy and laughter? with love? yes, we all go through hard times in life..but sometimes i wish that i go through more happy times in my life that sad times because all this while i have been going through more sad times than hard time..i was betrayed 2 years back by someone who actually lovED! and carED and trustED and thought i could that as my home. but guess what i was totally wrong about that. i never got the love from that person, never had the peace with that person and was literally betrayed like i was no one! yeah it did break my heart and i lost my path and lost my mind..but now i have moved on from that because i know someone would definitely come in front of me to love me for who i am and care for me and take good care of my feelings and show me peace and love, i kept asking my mum, please show me someone, pleaseee..i begged her with all my heart and i told her that please dont let whatever happened to me before this to happen again in my life..cause i am not myself whether could i go through it once more!
Today, here i am standing and walking like normal human and still alive. today here i am with someone who loves me back and gives me peace. and someone whom i can call as home! the person gives me the feeling that i am being loved back for the first time in my life. i never really felt like this before in my life. everything with her is so new! she makes me feel that i am someone in her life and someone whom she loves and cares the most for! someone who she would always look up to and be there for me, always! we do go through some hard times but thats a normal thing in a relationship rite guys..but that doesnt take my peace away from me because everytime i see her, she makes me smile..she makes me forget about everything that had happened to me. she asks me how am i? that simple question definitely makes your day! looking at her smile makes me happy. looking into her eyes and saying i love you, i cant express the feelings in words but its definitely something nice and wonderful! she is the single most beautiful thing in my life! i am really happy that i found her in my life and i thank god and my mum for showing such a person in my life! i just want to let her know that i am really and deeply sorry if i hurt your feelings baby girl! i dont intend to do that at all. i am willing to go through anything with and make you happy always. i want to see that smile on your face all the time! the glitter in your eyes. you are THE butterfly in my stomach! you electrify my life! i will hold your hands tightly and go through all the obstacles with you and i will never put a tears in you! all i am asking in return is to love me back like you always do and dont let me go! I just want to let you know that I love you so much and i caare for you so much. i am sorry if i over do it at times. I LOVE YOU!

The Cosy School

The Girl That I Would Dedicate Shakespeare's Sonnet18 To

First of all, if you all have got no idea what Sonnet 18 is all about, it is a poem written by William Shakespeare. This is how it goes....

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date:

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Oh yeah, i would definitely dedicate this poem to her!!! there is no doubt about it. Well she is not someone whom i know in person(sadly), but that doesnt matter. To be honest she is an actress(the most gorgeous-beautiful looking girl on earth), who drives me crazy whenever i look at her. I have never missed her movies at all and when her movie is on, i never get my eyes of the tv and i dont move an inch either!!! She melts my heart like a candle(faster than a candle)...gives me the silky feeling whenever i see her..makes me smile and shine like a star..makes me fall in love with her everytime i look at her...yeah i know that i would be 1000000th one to say this...but who cares, cause mine is from the bottom of my heart. She will be the girl that you all gotta blame if i am day dreaming!

Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing

Road Trip To KL

It was a saturday morning. As usual trying my best to get up from the bed,but the extra comfort mattress, and the morning breeze that is blowning through my window wouldn't let me up!. after a couple of minutes trying to sleep back which i didnt,i woke up and got ready for the day. after that i headed to the library!(can you all believe that). I actually did a couple of hours studying in the library, i think about 4 hours. after that 4 hours of studying i guess my brain was over heated and that was the excuse that made me leave the library. I went back home trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day,crossed my thoughts was suphon!..road trip with suphon! called him for about 10 times, but that bugger was sleeping...finally our friend woke up around 2 in the afternoon! I fetched him,drove to KL, and drove all around KL. i had a nice time with him. thanks to him for giving me a wonderful buddy company! Here are some of the photos that we took. hope you'll enjoy it