Emptiness

it has been quite sometime since i wrote anything here,

now lets see what to write about aye?

lets see what happened this past few days..

nothing great at all!!!

life is pretty miserable with all the things going around..

being discriminated and humiliated in life so badly is not a nice thing to go through..

talking something not nice about the deceased one is not something someone should do!

getting screwed from all side..

wow!

sometimes, god is just unfair to all of us right?

is it a test??

oh come on, for 21 years i have been living in this world,

i think i deserve a break from all His tests,

receiving a message early in the morning that didn't sound quite nice at all

yes it hurt me!

thought that day would get better after that, but nah..it DID NOT!

being called bastard child even after i warned him not to do so!

its really not nice and disrespectful to say something about the deceased one aight fellas,

oh come on, suck it in and move??

everyone has a limit to suck in and move and aight..

when i do that, people take me for granted and lie to me?

make a fool out of me!

think that i am stupid,

well actually i am not..

i can see what you are doing..

i seriously can...

never take my patience, or kindness or anything for granted

because i have a limit too!

i am not going to blame anything or anyone!

lost my trust on everyone!

oh yeah, to all the doctors out there, dun think that you are hell of a great yeah

whats the point of you being called doctor, but acting like a child!

so immature of you aight!

sigh, i wish i could just talk this out to someone!

writing ain't the same as talking..

~rolling stone~

Malaysia Is my mother land, I am proud of it!

Its 31st of August 2010,

the day, Malaysia got its independence,

but i have been encountering with a lot of people on facebook

whom are showing hatred and anger and being racist!

i dun think this is an appropriate act on this beautiful day

this was the day, our father of independence announced independence!

that means no hatred, no more racism no more double standard or what so ever

come on la..stop acting like this

why cant you people just be normal and adapt with the environment..

if there is something that you guys are not happy about,

then voice it out in a good way, in a civilized manner,

not like a animal, i think sometimes even the animals are better than you people out there

i am not being racist right now, but

racism???

i guess its just too much..

live a normal life with normal needs...

if we be nice to people, i am pretty sure they;d realize it one day and that would change them as well..

for those who think you are so hell of great, why dont you guys take over their positions then?

if you are so smart, take their position?

lets see how long can you guys stay there??

you think its so damn easy to run a country?

you think by being racist and buyers,its going to solve the problem??

never push someone too hard..and make the person fall down~

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away
Sometimes some people get me wrong, when it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun, that's why you turn and run
But now I truly realise, some people don't wanna compromise
Well, I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies, and
Well I don't wanna live a life, too many steepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well, I'm so tired baby
Things you say, you're driving me away
Whispers in the powder room baby, don't listen to the games they play
Girl I thought you'd realise, I'm not like them other guys
Cause I saw them with my own eyes, you should've been more wise and
Well I don't wanna live a lie, too many steepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

ladies who cheated on me~

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking
I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong
And I grew strong
I learned how to get along
So now you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
Without the look upon your face
I should have changed my f-ing lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my live to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

LOVE GAME

haha, lady gaga rocks!!
watched a movie today,
Penelope's movie, well she drives me crazy everytime i watch her movie!haha
yeah you guys can say that she doesnt even know that i exist!
screw that!
well, in a movie its always a happy ending..
the love,
the romance,
the happiness,
the peace,
all the happy stuff...
i kinda miss it when i was watching it tho..
why cant it be in reality...
i guess all those stuff on screen stays on screen only!
it never happens in real life i guess..
we always want the sweet romance and lovely moments in life!
thats what i crave for, the most!
will it ever happen again?
i really hope so!
work things out so that comes true, already doing it!
just hang on for the moment,already doing it
give in time,already doing it!
lets just hope for the best right now..
its hurting, yes...
but we gotta be strong and stand our ground and face it no matter what right!

FUCK YA'LL!!!

the title seems a lil too much ain't it
well that's because i am so damn fucking sick and tired with all this!
the cheats and lies which are going on??
WHAT THE FUCK??
look here bitch,
was i the one who came to you?
was the one who made you fall me?
was i the guy who cheated on you??
was the one who lied and took things for granted here??
was i the one who did everything??
FUCK YOU!!! fuck you, BITCH!
you can go on telling people what ever you, you low life scum bag!
let me tell you something today!
from now i am going to change my fucking
nice-humble-patient-get-used-taken for granted-cheated-played life!!!
i have lost my trust on people now..
all you motherfuckers out there!
take me for granted?,FUCK YOU!
cheat me?FUCK YOU!
lie to me?FUCK YOU!
play me out?FUCK YOU!
use the L.O.V.E word to me?FUCK YOU!
treat me like shit?FUCK YOU!
i am this position today because, i was drove here!
i was brought to this position..
i never used to be like this..
but getting cheated all the time..
getting fucked all the time in life!
getting lies in return all the time!
getting played all the time..
getting used all the time!
if anyone of you who even think about doing that to me again, or even if i smell that you people intend to do it, this is what imma do
*vick shows middle-finger!*
and says FUCK YOU!
yes, i have learned a lesson now..
never be too nice to someone!
never care too much for someone!
never fall for people who talk and say sweet stuff and lure to them!
because for what i have done so far in my life, all i did was just give and give and give
and in return all i get is CHEAT, LIES.USE.BETRAYAL!!!!!!
i am serious about this post..fuckin dead serious!
someone told me today, "bro you are too nice of a guy to deserve all this,i know how it feels to be in that position. I myself wouldn't have the strength to be in the position you are in now but sometimes the best thing to do is to MOVE ON, cause you are nice guy and you deserve so much better than this!
well that person is leaving college soon, and i am going to miss her too!!
damn looking back at my life, i am not sure myself where did i go wrong what did i do to deserve all this crapt right?
but i am not going just sit here and grieve and sulk about it!
its time for a fucking change and to think about myself!
the time has come for me to start thinking properly and be really careful in life with people!
i will not let what ever happen to me before to hhapen again my life!
i am saying this again for those of you bitches out there who want to use me and take me for granted, lie to me and lie to others about the true story, back stab me, use me, cheat on me!
tell you what, try doing it! oh yeah! bring it on!
but let me tell you, its not me who is going to get hurt, its going to be you!
because i have been hurt so badly that nothing can hurt me anymore!
i have been hurt so badly and cried so badly!
but NO MORE!!!
FUCK YOU!!!

Mistake

First Ever Concert!

Yesterday, 7th June 2010
was my first concert in my life(not ashamed of it),
it was USHER BABY!
and to make things even more better it was wif her!!
i was basically stunt and excited about the whole concert environment,
i didnt really cae about gigs and concerts because its no difference seeing them
in tv and during the concert..
but i was wrong..it was a whole lot of different feeling!
it was much more exciting, reality!
basically i was like.."damn thats usher infront of me there"haha..
like i just came out of the jungle..
it was one awesoem day we had together..
jumping, singing his songs..going crazy!!!
it was AWESOME!!!!!..
will never forget this date!!!!

New Home!

First of all I am thanking god for sending YOU into my life!

I am really glad and thankful that YOU walked into this life

Knowing that this is going to be a hard road to drive on

I thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for being there for me all this while...

the promises that you made to me is all real..

I am sure that YOU are not a quitter and you wouldn't give up on us..

I am feeling the love from YOU..

I am feeling the caring for YOU..

I am feeling the warmth from YOU..

I am feeling the confidence from YOU..

I am not going to give up on YOU or walk on YOU..

YOU have the place where I can call, HOME!..

This is the path that I chose to be in..

So I am going to go through this with you..

I will hold your hand tightly and walk this sea of fire together with you..

I promise you that, my love

I really appreciate all the things you have done in my life..

I am a better human now..

Although i felt used, cheated and taken for granted,

I know for sure that you are not going turn out like them..

That is the thing which is keeping me move..

You are the happiness in my life!

Hold on to me tightly, and we shall go through this together..

My LOVE for you will always be the same and it will NEVER fade away!

I LOVE YOU, SLEEPYHEAD!

Alone

I made a choice and made my decision already,
from now on its just going to be me,
yes it hurts me so much to move on
and forget about them,
it was one big tree!
it was where the seed grew up,
i had so much trust in them,
but in the end,
i was betrayed and used!
i have been living a life full of
BETRAYAL, CHEAT, LIE, TAKEN FOR GRANTED, AND USED
will that all stop,
will someone stop
betraying me?
cheating me?
lying to me?
take me for granted?
and use me?
will that all stop..
i am starting to lose trust with people!
what did i do to deserve all this in my life!
all this agony!!
i can't take it anymore..
can i just be under your arms,
i feel so much safer there..
i thought i could that place where i grew up as, HOME!
but i was wrong,
i figured out i don't have a place where i could call HOME!
sometimes i wish i was not created
WHAT DID I DO?
i have lost everything!
i guess i will be walking this road ALONE!

New Leaf

Finally, I am back in Subang Jaya now after going through some hell time in my so called "home". Life was pretty unpleasant there!

The shouting and yelling and nagging!

Home sweet home? I dont think so!

And i even found out that people whom i call family are backstabbing!

What did i do to deserve all this in my life!

I seriously wish there was an answer to that

why do people take advantage of me being nice towards them!

why,god dammit!!!!

I thank you for being there for me all this time.

I really needed a shoulder that i could rest me head on, and you were there!

I have left everything behind for you!

I am taking this road with you now.

its your hand which i am about to hold for my entire life

its you whom i want to spent my life with!

please make me feel that i made the right decision and this is all worth it!

Dont take me or my love for granted and betray me like the others!

dont take advantage of me being nice, no more games and no more playing around!

get serious with this!

I cant take another betrayal, another cheat or another fooling around!

I love you with all my heart!

Story Of My Life

Something is going wrong somewhere this few days. i really wish that i had the solution to that problem of mine. all i am looking in this world is peace and love in this world. i dont think that is too much to ask from a normal human like me. it is normal to find love and peace because thats what i treasure the most after what had happened to me when i was 4 years old. I know i have to be strong in this world and face whatever problems that come across. thats what my dad told me once upon a time. what have i done wrong that i deserve all this which is happening right now. we, the home sapiens in this world look for happiness and love and peace. well thats what i look for. i have been looking for all that since the age of 4. went through a lot hard times, a lot of discrimination, people looking down on me saying about myself and not trusting what good deeds i do. i lost my cousin brother who i love so much in my family because according to his mom, i am a bad person, when i am not at all..all i wanted is that a little brother who i could care for and love. is that wrong? i dont think so...i never ever tought him any bad habits tought him anything that would make him bad..he loves spending time with me because according to him i am the big brother who would be always there for him whenever he needs me. but now i have lost him..why cant his mother trust me more and think that i am actually a good big brother to him. we used to talk about having big houses next to each other, going for cruise in each other's sweet car, we talked about getting married and having dinner together with our wives, we shared the same plate at times when we were living together. he has been always looking up to me and talks to me when needs somebody. but now, i rarely get a call from him..sigh..what have i done that i always have to fall down so hard on the ground. have i been bad to people and treated them badly, have i committed any crimes and killed people? have i hurt people's feelings..i dont think so because i never ever hurt anyone's feelings. because i wanted the best for them. sometimes being at home isn't the right place to be, because of all the problems that encounter in and all the things which would hurts us. sometimes i dont blame those who actually leave thier omes and never come back. always think about what made them leave..what drove them there? its the peace actually and also the love! ..i never really got that from this roof of mine. well i have been really strong and pulled my way through all this while..and i am trying my best to be strong! but i am starting to feel that i am getting weaker and weaker by days..this kind of things drove me to find another place where i can call as home. being with somebody who loves me back and appreciates me, takes care of my feelings, be there whenever i needed them. i have been always treasuring all this..at some points i have i asked myself, will i EVER get all this in my life..will i ever be happy ever again? will someone love me back, will someone take care of my feelings, will someone be there with their hands wide open sincerely and waiting to see me and come running towards with joy and laughter? with love? yes, we all go through hard times in life..but sometimes i wish that i go through more happy times in my life that sad times because all this while i have been going through more sad times than hard time..i was betrayed 2 years back by someone who actually lovED! and carED and trustED and thought i could that as my home. but guess what i was totally wrong about that. i never got the love from that person, never had the peace with that person and was literally betrayed like i was no one! yeah it did break my heart and i lost my path and lost my mind..but now i have moved on from that because i know someone would definitely come in front of me to love me for who i am and care for me and take good care of my feelings and show me peace and love, i kept asking my mum, please show me someone, pleaseee..i begged her with all my heart and i told her that please dont let whatever happened to me before this to happen again in my life..cause i am not myself whether could i go through it once more!
Today, here i am standing and walking like normal human and still alive. today here i am with someone who loves me back and gives me peace. and someone whom i can call as home! the person gives me the feeling that i am being loved back for the first time in my life. i never really felt like this before in my life. everything with her is so new! she makes me feel that i am someone in her life and someone whom she loves and cares the most for! someone who she would always look up to and be there for me, always! we do go through some hard times but thats a normal thing in a relationship rite guys..but that doesnt take my peace away from me because everytime i see her, she makes me smile..she makes me forget about everything that had happened to me. she asks me how am i? that simple question definitely makes your day! looking at her smile makes me happy. looking into her eyes and saying i love you, i cant express the feelings in words but its definitely something nice and wonderful! she is the single most beautiful thing in my life! i am really happy that i found her in my life and i thank god and my mum for showing such a person in my life! i just want to let her know that i am really and deeply sorry if i hurt your feelings baby girl! i dont intend to do that at all. i am willing to go through anything with and make you happy always. i want to see that smile on your face all the time! the glitter in your eyes. you are THE butterfly in my stomach! you electrify my life! i will hold your hands tightly and go through all the obstacles with you and i will never put a tears in you! all i am asking in return is to love me back like you always do and dont let me go! I just want to let you know that I love you so much and i caare for you so much. i am sorry if i over do it at times. I LOVE YOU!