New Home!

First of all I am thanking god for sending YOU into my life!

I am really glad and thankful that YOU walked into this life

Knowing that this is going to be a hard road to drive on

I thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for being there for me all this while...

the promises that you made to me is all real..

I am sure that YOU are not a quitter and you wouldn't give up on us..

I am feeling the love from YOU..

I am feeling the caring for YOU..

I am feeling the warmth from YOU..

I am feeling the confidence from YOU..

I am not going to give up on YOU or walk on YOU..

YOU have the place where I can call, HOME!..

This is the path that I chose to be in..

So I am going to go through this with you..

I will hold your hand tightly and walk this sea of fire together with you..

I promise you that, my love

I really appreciate all the things you have done in my life..

I am a better human now..

Although i felt used, cheated and taken for granted,

I know for sure that you are not going turn out like them..

That is the thing which is keeping me move..

You are the happiness in my life!

Hold on to me tightly, and we shall go through this together..

My LOVE for you will always be the same and it will NEVER fade away!

I LOVE YOU, SLEEPYHEAD!

Alone

I made a choice and made my decision already,
from now on its just going to be me,
yes it hurts me so much to move on
and forget about them,
it was one big tree!
it was where the seed grew up,
i had so much trust in them,
but in the end,
i was betrayed and used!
i have been living a life full of
BETRAYAL, CHEAT, LIE, TAKEN FOR GRANTED, AND USED
will that all stop,
will someone stop
betraying me?
cheating me?
lying to me?
take me for granted?
and use me?
will that all stop..
i am starting to lose trust with people!
what did i do to deserve all this in my life!
all this agony!!
i can't take it anymore..
can i just be under your arms,
i feel so much safer there..
i thought i could that place where i grew up as, HOME!
but i was wrong,
i figured out i don't have a place where i could call HOME!
sometimes i wish i was not created
WHAT DID I DO?
i have lost everything!
i guess i will be walking this road ALONE!

New Leaf

Finally, I am back in Subang Jaya now after going through some hell time in my so called "home". Life was pretty unpleasant there!

The shouting and yelling and nagging!

Home sweet home? I dont think so!

And i even found out that people whom i call family are backstabbing!

What did i do to deserve all this in my life!

I seriously wish there was an answer to that

why do people take advantage of me being nice towards them!

why,god dammit!!!!

I thank you for being there for me all this time.

I really needed a shoulder that i could rest me head on, and you were there!

I have left everything behind for you!

I am taking this road with you now.

its your hand which i am about to hold for my entire life

its you whom i want to spent my life with!

please make me feel that i made the right decision and this is all worth it!

Dont take me or my love for granted and betray me like the others!

dont take advantage of me being nice, no more games and no more playing around!

get serious with this!

I cant take another betrayal, another cheat or another fooling around!

I love you with all my heart!

Story Of My Life

Something is going wrong somewhere this few days. i really wish that i had the solution to that problem of mine. all i am looking in this world is peace and love in this world. i dont think that is too much to ask from a normal human like me. it is normal to find love and peace because thats what i treasure the most after what had happened to me when i was 4 years old. I know i have to be strong in this world and face whatever problems that come across. thats what my dad told me once upon a time. what have i done wrong that i deserve all this which is happening right now. we, the home sapiens in this world look for happiness and love and peace. well thats what i look for. i have been looking for all that since the age of 4. went through a lot hard times, a lot of discrimination, people looking down on me saying about myself and not trusting what good deeds i do. i lost my cousin brother who i love so much in my family because according to his mom, i am a bad person, when i am not at all..all i wanted is that a little brother who i could care for and love. is that wrong? i dont think so...i never ever tought him any bad habits tought him anything that would make him bad..he loves spending time with me because according to him i am the big brother who would be always there for him whenever he needs me. but now i have lost him..why cant his mother trust me more and think that i am actually a good big brother to him. we used to talk about having big houses next to each other, going for cruise in each other's sweet car, we talked about getting married and having dinner together with our wives, we shared the same plate at times when we were living together. he has been always looking up to me and talks to me when needs somebody. but now, i rarely get a call from him..sigh..what have i done that i always have to fall down so hard on the ground. have i been bad to people and treated them badly, have i committed any crimes and killed people? have i hurt people's feelings..i dont think so because i never ever hurt anyone's feelings. because i wanted the best for them. sometimes being at home isn't the right place to be, because of all the problems that encounter in and all the things which would hurts us. sometimes i dont blame those who actually leave thier omes and never come back. always think about what made them leave..what drove them there? its the peace actually and also the love! ..i never really got that from this roof of mine. well i have been really strong and pulled my way through all this while..and i am trying my best to be strong! but i am starting to feel that i am getting weaker and weaker by days..this kind of things drove me to find another place where i can call as home. being with somebody who loves me back and appreciates me, takes care of my feelings, be there whenever i needed them. i have been always treasuring all this..at some points i have i asked myself, will i EVER get all this in my life..will i ever be happy ever again? will someone love me back, will someone take care of my feelings, will someone be there with their hands wide open sincerely and waiting to see me and come running towards with joy and laughter? with love? yes, we all go through hard times in life..but sometimes i wish that i go through more happy times in my life that sad times because all this while i have been going through more sad times than hard time..i was betrayed 2 years back by someone who actually lovED! and carED and trustED and thought i could that as my home. but guess what i was totally wrong about that. i never got the love from that person, never had the peace with that person and was literally betrayed like i was no one! yeah it did break my heart and i lost my path and lost my mind..but now i have moved on from that because i know someone would definitely come in front of me to love me for who i am and care for me and take good care of my feelings and show me peace and love, i kept asking my mum, please show me someone, pleaseee..i begged her with all my heart and i told her that please dont let whatever happened to me before this to happen again in my life..cause i am not myself whether could i go through it once more!
Today, here i am standing and walking like normal human and still alive. today here i am with someone who loves me back and gives me peace. and someone whom i can call as home! the person gives me the feeling that i am being loved back for the first time in my life. i never really felt like this before in my life. everything with her is so new! she makes me feel that i am someone in her life and someone whom she loves and cares the most for! someone who she would always look up to and be there for me, always! we do go through some hard times but thats a normal thing in a relationship rite guys..but that doesnt take my peace away from me because everytime i see her, she makes me smile..she makes me forget about everything that had happened to me. she asks me how am i? that simple question definitely makes your day! looking at her smile makes me happy. looking into her eyes and saying i love you, i cant express the feelings in words but its definitely something nice and wonderful! she is the single most beautiful thing in my life! i am really happy that i found her in my life and i thank god and my mum for showing such a person in my life! i just want to let her know that i am really and deeply sorry if i hurt your feelings baby girl! i dont intend to do that at all. i am willing to go through anything with and make you happy always. i want to see that smile on your face all the time! the glitter in your eyes. you are THE butterfly in my stomach! you electrify my life! i will hold your hands tightly and go through all the obstacles with you and i will never put a tears in you! all i am asking in return is to love me back like you always do and dont let me go! I just want to let you know that I love you so much and i caare for you so much. i am sorry if i over do it at times. I LOVE YOU!