Something is going wrong somewhere this few days. i really wish that i had the solution to that problem of mine. all i am looking in this world is peace and love in this world. i dont think that is too much to ask from a normal human like me. it is normal to find love and peace because thats what i treasure the most after what had happened to me when i was 4 years old. I know i have to be strong in this world and face whatever problems that come across. thats what my dad told me once upon a time. what have i done wrong that i deserve all this which is happening right now. we, the home sapiens in this world look for happiness and love and peace. well thats what i look for. i have been looking for all that since the age of 4. went through a lot hard times, a lot of discrimination, people looking down on me saying about myself and not trusting what good deeds i do. i lost my cousin brother who i love so much in my family because according to his mom, i am a bad person, when i am not at all..all i wanted is that a little brother who i could care for and love. is that wrong? i dont think so...i never ever tought him any bad habits tought him anything that would make him bad..he loves spending time with me because according to him i am the big brother who would be always there for him whenever he needs me. but now i have lost him..why cant his mother trust me more and think that i am actually a good big brother to him. we used to talk about having big houses next to each other, going for cruise in each other's sweet car, we talked about getting married and having dinner together with our wives, we shared the same plate at times when we were living together. he has been always looking up to me and talks to me when needs somebody. but now, i rarely get a call from him..sigh..what have i done that i always have to fall down so hard on the ground. have i been bad to people and treated them badly, have i committed any crimes and killed people? have i hurt people's feelings..i dont think so because i never ever hurt anyone's feelings. because i wanted the best for them. sometimes being at home isn't the right place to be, because of all the problems that encounter in and all the things which would hurts us. sometimes i dont blame those who actually leave thier omes and never come back. always think about what made them leave..what drove them there? its the peace actually and also the love! ..i never really got that from this roof of mine. well i have been really strong and pulled my way through all this while..and i am trying my best to be strong! but i am starting to feel that i am getting weaker and weaker by days..this kind of things drove me to find another place where i can call as home. being with somebody who loves me back and appreciates me, takes care of my feelings, be there whenever i needed them. i have been always treasuring all this..at some points i have i asked myself, will i EVER get all this in my life..will i ever be happy ever again? will someone love me back, will someone take care of my feelings, will someone be there with their hands wide open sincerely and waiting to see me and come running towards with joy and laughter? with love? yes, we all go through hard times in life..but sometimes i wish that i go through more happy times in my life that sad times because all this while i have been going through more sad times than hard time..i was betrayed 2 years back by someone who actually lovED! and carED and trustED and thought i could that as my home. but guess what i was totally wrong about that. i never got the love from that person, never had the peace with that person and was literally betrayed like i was no one! yeah it did break my heart and i lost my path and lost my mind..but now i have moved on from that because i know someone would definitely come in front of me to love me for who i am and care for me and take good care of my feelings and show me peace and love, i kept asking my mum, please show me someone, pleaseee..i begged her with all my heart and i told her that please dont let whatever happened to me before this to happen again in my life..cause i am not myself whether could i go through it once more!
Today, here i am standing and walking like normal human and still alive. today here i am with someone who loves me back and gives me peace. and someone whom i can call as home! the person gives me the feeling that i am being loved back for the first time in my life. i never really felt like this before in my life. everything with her is so new! she makes me feel that i am someone in her life and someone whom she loves and cares the most for! someone who she would always look up to and be there for me, always! we do go through some hard times but thats a normal thing in a relationship rite guys..but that doesnt take my peace away from me because everytime i see her, she makes me smile..she makes me forget about everything that had happened to me. she asks me how am i? that simple question definitely makes your day! looking at her smile makes me happy. looking into her eyes and saying i love you, i cant express the feelings in words but its definitely something nice and wonderful! she is the single most beautiful thing in my life! i am really happy that i found her in my life and i thank god and my mum for showing such a person in my life! i just want to let her know that i am really and deeply sorry if i hurt your feelings baby girl! i dont intend to do that at all. i am willing to go through anything with and make you happy always. i want to see that smile on your face all the time! the glitter in your eyes. you are THE butterfly in my stomach! you electrify my life! i will hold your hands tightly and go through all the obstacles with you and i will never put a tears in you! all i am asking in return is to love me back like you always do and dont let me go! I just want to let you know that I love you so much and i caare for you so much. i am sorry if i over do it at times. I LOVE YOU!
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